I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
