I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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