for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
