We're facebook friends in real life
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize