i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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