told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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