I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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