$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
