I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
