it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
