just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize