I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
