I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
