dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In other news, I just burned my penis
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
