my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
