i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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