FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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