u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
