Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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