Porn is love you can see.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
