iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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