dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
