question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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