i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
