i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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