my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize