I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
