I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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