So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
