I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
