I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
