Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
