what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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