It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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