oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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