Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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