I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
