I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
