People in love make me want to vomit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
