I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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