Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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