You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize