Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
