Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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