so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
