Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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