Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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