At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
