Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
