creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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