DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
