There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
