On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
