i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
