Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize