Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
