If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
false alarm, still single
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize