And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize