I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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