I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
