Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
