yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
