So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
