He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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