we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
