One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
