She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
