I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
