this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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