you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
