fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
