You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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