Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
