I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
