ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize