I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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