Porn is love you can see.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
